Reframe the Conversation

As someone who tries to teach and support leadership development for a living, it became readily apparent that the average student could care less about the exciting new theory I read, nor do they want to hear about how other people struggle with their exact same issues ("I'm different, special, etc.").  In reality, they are unique individuals with circumstances that are not exactly like anyone else's in the world.  That being said, the problems at their core are still the exact same as millions of other people around the world.  So where am I going with this?

People want to be told they are special and I don't think it is any educator's job to tell them otherwise.  That doesn't mean we can't be prepared for some of the issues we can expect to come our way every year.  Students will make mistakes; feel unsupported by their peers; struggle to maintain appropriate balance in their lives; and question whether they are choosing the right path in life.  The funny thing is, their problems sound awfully similar to the ones that those of us in the "real world" face every day.  God forbid we actually admit that to them.

The trick to connecting with them is an understanding of the commonality of these issues and yet still giving them the time and attention to show that you genuinely care about what's going on with them.  Speak their language, listen to their frustrations, and adapt your response to the individual involved.  The challenge for this type of response is that it truly needs to be genuine.  Students have an uncanny ability to decipher when you are not being forthcoming and sincere and it will do more harm than good to the situation.  This isn't earth-shattering stuff, it's just a friendly reminder at the time of year when education professionals are feeling drained and over-worked so they become more susceptible to feigning enthusiasm or exposing unfiltered frustrations. 

Expanding beyond one-on-one situations, students get tired of being taught the same general life skills over and over again, so it is up the educator to give it a new name, a fresh look, and a more impactful experience.  Just this past week I worked with a group of students and told them I was going to teach them how to be mentors in informal relationships.  In our time together we developed shared expectations for the members of the organization, discussed men's development through healthy relationships, and the importance of role models.  If I would have called the session "Men's Development" or "Member Expectations," they would have been checked out before I even walked in the room.  By putting a slightly different spin on the same old lessons, it produced an entirely different outcome.  As I mentioned before, these tidbits are probably covered in counseling and marketing 101 classes, but because they are so basic, they are also easy to forget. 

Enjoy your weekend, appreciate the unique people in your life, and keep it fresh!

Thought #2: Of Course They're Hazing...

Human behavior is pretty consistent and pretty predictable.  However, we have to be both willing and prepared to see it.  This sounds like an over-simplification, and it is, but not as much as it might first appear.  Whether it is the United States blowing overthrowing regimes or a fraternity/sorority advisor kicking a chapter off their campus, the reaction is always going to be negative.  Regardless of your political views, Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity had it right in its call for calm and productive dialog. One polarizing issue that people are rarely open to changing their views on, whether for or against, is hazing.  I want to first go on record saying that I do not in any way, shape, or form support, condone, or tolerate hazing when I hear about it; but I am starting to understand why our efforts to stop it seem so futile.

We hear student affairs and fraternity/sorority headquarters' staff, professors, coaches, parents, band directors and the media all publicly demand that hazing practices must come to an end.  In one-on-one situations, student conduct deans and directors tell students they must create a meaningful experience to replace the old one.  What is missing from all of these courses of action is that almost no one is doing the most important thing: teaching them how to do it differently. 

The young men and women most often engaging in these practices do not want to be made an example of, or feel like they are the only ones being punished when a culture of hazing exists.  They truly are open to changing practices if they feel the replacement is still going to be meaningful.  Since they are not excited about re-writing their pledging/hazing programs, of course they aren't going to come up with meaningful alternatives.  They aren't going to take away hazing and do nothing, but its difficult when there isn't a list of acceptable activities.  Help them come up with some "cool" ways to accomplish their goals and they might just implement the changes without threats of expulsion.

However, it is nearly impossible to build long-term change without changing culture.  This is where a variety of people need to come together to formulate a solution.  We can continue replacing ineffective chapters with new, non-hazing versions, but if there exists a culture of hazing on campus it is only a matter of time before they revert back to their old ways.  It's not about changing short-term behavior, but rather a mentality that will create long-term success.

Thought #1: The Beginning

Good evening!  I hope your first hump day of November is treating you well.  I thought "The Beginning" would be an appropriate title for this first blog post as it signifies multiple things on this 3rd day of November.  This is the beginning of my blog, which I figured was appropriately titled Thoughts That Escaped the Filter because I try to keep pretty good tabs on what I say, so hopefully what makes it on here is respectable.  If not, blame it on a dirty filter which usually comes with my annual system slowdown as we approach the last weeks of the semester.  It is unofficially the beginning of the holiday season (now that Halloween has passed) despite retailers attempts at expanding it into September.  It is also the first Wednesday of November, which has brought with it miserably cold temperatures in eastern Pennsylvania.  Finally, it is the beginning of another "era" of politics as the Republicans regained control of the House of Representatives and narrowed the gap in the U.S. Senate yesterday.  All that being said, I think today can be accurately described as "the beginning."

Those who know me can validate my love, perhaps obsession, with the holiday season.  However, after listening to plenty of people share their thoughts on yesterday's election results, I think it should be my turn.  I almost crossed the forbidden boundary of talking about politics at work, but I tried to restrain myself and limit it to this forum.  If anything, yesterday was yet another showing of how the United States demands instant gratification.  The Democrats were given only two years to save the economy, do something about health care, and come to a resolution on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Well the "hope" and the "change" were not happening correctly or fast enough for some people, and there was too much hope and change for others, so what happens...we kick out one party and usher in the next.  The vicious cycle will continue, so the Republicans better hope things don't go sour for them before the Presidential election.  As someone who no longer claims a party, it was comical to hear the pundits talk about "mandates" for the Republicans and the "nightmare" that played out for the Democrats.  Let's try to remember we are all Americans and no matter who is in power, there are a lot of things to be fixed, so let's find some quality Americans to do the right things and get us going back in the correct direction. 

All that being said, the outcome of yesterday's elections will shape the landscape for 2012 with a number of new Republican governors in swing states, including my home state of Pennsylvania where I witnessed a clean sweep of governor, senator, and my local congressman.  Here's to hoping both parties pay attention to the presence of 40 first-term senators and realize the increase of unaffiliated registered voters climbed to a reported 30% this election, and realize we're fed up with both sides and just want a little bit more attention given to the moderate citizens that make up the bulk of the country. 

President Obama (45% mid-term approval rating according to CBS News) has two years to try and follow in the footsteps of Bill Clinton (43%) and Ronald Reagan(46%) to get the ship righted, or else join Jimmy Carter (48%) as a one-term President.  Enjoy the beginning of the month, my blog, buckle your seat-belts for the start of the new Congress, and get excited for the 2012 election campaign that should start in just about 2 months...